...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
