i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
