I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
