I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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