i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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