Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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