just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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