Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
