My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
