Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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