70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
