Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
