Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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