Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
