I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Randomize
