It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
