I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm always down for nudity.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
