oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
