i just wanna soil my oats bro
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
