and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
