our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
