It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i love accidental penises.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
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