Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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