dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
