there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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