this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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