this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We need a shit load of segways right now
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
