If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
