Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Randomize
