OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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