I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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