Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
