I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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