Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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