Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
