my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
