hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
