also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
