if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How does it feel to date your dad?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
