so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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