Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
