how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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