the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
