my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i out mim tonsoeep
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