My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
