Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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