nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
