"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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