So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
