I hate all girls vehemently.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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