She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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