I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
