i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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