I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
