I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
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The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
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I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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