just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize