so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
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No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
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I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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