Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
