I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
