I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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