so that wasnt chicken after all
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
