Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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