I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
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Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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