So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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