And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
