Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
ttyl tear gas
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
His nipple licking is glorious
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