worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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