So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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