What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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